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Sunday, April 26, 2015

Steering into the Skid or Plate Not Required


I am hateful today.  Hateful and cranky with a side dish of morose.  I blame it on those pesky female hormones.  It doesn’t matter why.  I’m hateful today.  I was walking through the CVS all glowering and irritated and I thought, if I saw myself right now how I normally am, all chipper and happy and smiley, I’d probably hiss at her.  Hiss at her like a sleeping cat suddenly doused in cold water.  Hisssssssssss.  Teeth bared, back arched.

How ANNOYING I must be with my usual can-do attitude and easy smile.  Ugh.  I could just punch normal me in the ear right now.  Hateful.  Everyone has these moods, some more than others.  Some darker than others.  But we all would rather NOT feel this bad.  Especially if it’s for no other reason than because you stubbed your toe in the morning or you ran out of coffee.  Again.  But, counter-intuitively, I think, sometimes the answer is to REVEL in the bad mood.  

Really get down and comfy in the mud of your ire.  Get dirty.  Really FEEL the ickiness.  Steer INTO the skid.  There are kitten-video bad moods and there are ‘steer into the skid’ bad moods.  Sometimes all you need is a laughing baby or a surprised kitten video to feel better.  But when that doesn’t work, and faking it makes you want to leap off of tall buildings (really only one is necessary) with a single bound…then you know you need to settle into the badness.  Dig out your old leather jacket.  Rescue your old wide black belt from the basement.  Put on your black boots.  Get down with your bad self.  ‘Course if I were a REAL bad-ass that black belt would have metal studs and the leather jacket wouldn’t be pleather…from Reitmans.  On sale…

Anyway, acknowledge the sad.  Do what sad, angry people do.  Glare up at the dark sky while periodically raising a fist in anger and muttering to yourself while writing angry poems.  (Ah, this is easier to do without the baby strapped to your chest….)  Or listen to industrial punk music really loud.  I’ll be honest here I don’t really know what that is but you should listen to it if you do.    Also easier to do if your super-cute and precious baby isn’t babbling happily away in the back seat.  

Evanescence is my ‘angry’ music.   Or Alanis Morissette.  No judgement here.  A bit of advice though?  When this kind of mood hits you may feel like it’s the PERFECT time to expand on all the things that annoy you about your spouse/partner and all the perceived slights and failures of your relationship….it is not.  No, no it isn’t.  Not the perfect time at all.

It IS the perfect time to dress all in black to warn the world you are crazy today.  It IS the perfect time to listen to angry music and/or watch zombie movies.  You SHOULD check out of life for the day (or an hour) and coddle the angry little girl/boy that’s taken over your normally enlightened self.  Just warn all your loved ones to stay far, far away…and eat cake.  Lots and lots of yummy, surgery cake.  Plate not required.