I was looking for the left ear plug I had in there from when Bill was snoring so loudly. (Have I not complained about that yet?) Ugh...whatapainthatwas!!
Anyhoo....I had taken the right one out and put it on the dresser where Ellie couldn't get it but I couldn’t find the right one. All day I thought about it but figured if I couldn’t find it right away then neither could Ellie. (She can reach into my nightstand drawer) Then, at one in the morning, I suddenly KNEW that she had found the other one and had EATEN it when I wasn’t looking. So. Now I NEEDED to find that right ear plug or I’d lay awake all night worrying about her tiny colon.
I emptied the drawer once, twice, finally turned on the light and emptied it all out again carefully. I found it! Stuck to the bottom of my dream journal (don’t be impressed it has two entries in it from two years ago..) So happy! So I put it on the dresser where the other one was. And…..
At this point I recognized this for what it was…I was anxious in general and when I don’t take care of that anxiety during the day, it keeps me up at night. I wasn’t REALLY worried about the ear plug. The true test is when you wake up the next day, are you as worried?
Does whatever was keeping you up need your attention right away in the morning? If not, that wasn’t really what you’re worried about. It’s just something your brain attached to for whatever reason. Some deep breathing, some meditating or reading a calming (re: boring) book will do just as much good as ‘dealing’ with that issue at 1am.
Angela’s remedies? Coffee isn’t that good for me. I’m cutting back. I’m also going to listen to my body and my heart. I need some alone time. I need some yoga. I’ve cleared the way to do a class a week. I’m not going to feel bad about asking for some time for me. Bill doesn’t feel bad about asking for time for himself on the weekend, and he gets 9 hours of adult time every day all week! I’m at a bit of a disadvantage without close family nearby and I’m not perfect. I need to acknowledge that. And, I don’t have to be. I’m not required to be. Ellie doesn’t need Mom of the Year, she just needs Mom of the Here. As in, I’m right here with you in this moment because I made sure I was fulfilled, replenished. I can give you attention, love, patience, affection, and compassion because I also give those things to myself. We need to remember even though we're Super Mom's, we're still human.