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Monday, December 14, 2015

Mack Trucks, Toilet Cycling, Good Things

I’m late with my entry today.  I wasn’t hit by a Mack truck Saturday night but it sure felt like it.  You see, my sweet Ellie-belle had the flu Thursday.  She was better so quick, eating normally by supper-time Thursday that I doubted it was the flu at all but maybe her canines coming in.  

All doubt was erased at 10pm when I found myself cradling the toilet bowl and wishing I hadn’t eaten pizza, garlic bread with garlic butter and chocolate cake for dinner earlier that night.  I wished that harder than I’d wished for anything in quite some time.

I spent the next six hours cycling between the bed and the toilet bowl.  Ellie had a rough night too, probably because I’m not a demure throw-upper.  (It was loud.)  Bill was super helpful - the first time I yakked he asked if he could get me anything.  (Like…more chocolate cake?  What could I possibly need right now except for the PUKING TO STOP?!).  

I’m not a happy puker.  

Then he promptly went to the living room and feel asleep on the couch.  He did eventually come to bed after I came out and told him I was worried my EXTREME PUKING may wake up Ellie.

Bill was redeemed as Ellie was up about as much as I was Saturday night, and he had to take care of her each time.  And then all day.  I spent Sunday in bed, sleeping, wondering if the plain macaroni I ate for lunch would stay where it was supposed to.  (It did.)

I’m back to ‘normal’ now but yesterday I couldn’t even pick Ellie up.  She was SO HEAVY.  While I was going through the worst of it I was reminded of what I used to do when I was really sick from chemo, or having a hard time with pain.  

I’d imagine a flame flickering or water running and I’d say the word I most needed over and over and over again.  Kind of like a mantra or a prayer I guess.  Last night it was ‘sleep.’  Or, ‘still’.  It actually helps.  It’s not like it totally pulls me out of my body and the suffering but it does move me aside for a bit.  Not out of the pain but above it for awhile because of my focus on something else, I guess.  

Don’t worry, I know that sounds totally nut-job crazy.  I did it for the first time when I was 15, having a bone marrow test for the first time and the word I used was ‘off’ as in, pain please turn off!   Sometimes it’s a phrase and sometimes it’s just a word. 

It is a skill born of desperation and an extreme need to flee the body I was in that allowed me to do it for the first time, that and a really good imagination.  Anyway, it’s a tool I have in my arsenal for when life ISN’T blooming daisies and happy butterflies fluttering. 

Anyhoo…life IS blooming daisies and butterflies aren’t fluttering but they ARE getting more beautiful inside their little cocoons today.  

The sun is shining in my living room window, I love how it looks shining through the white shear curtains I have.  It looks like a Disney movie outside my back windows with the leaves lit up in the morning sun.  The birds are swooping low, enjoying the water bath the recent rain has turned the dips in my backyard into.

There’s a doe resting by the tree stump by my garden.  

Squirrels are scheming to get into the bird feeders.  

Sweet Ellie is napping.  Sweet-ish Bill is working.  Toby is napping, not next to me like he used to, but in our room so he’s closer to Ellie while she’s napping.  Even my DOG is sweet.

And lastly, Mom and dad will be here THIS WEEK!!  So excited to show them around my ‘new’ town.  We’ll go to the Zoo, to NASA, Market Street, of course, Galveston maybe and Austin.  

And it’s almost CHRISTMAS!!  Wheeee!  

I love having my family here for Christmas, it’s too bad I couldn’t fly down Dylan and Kait too.  My heart is full of good things.  

Not like my toilet Saturday night.  Just sayin'.