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Sunday, January 31, 2016

Sharing a Moment with a Scatter brained, totally unfocused Schmuck.

While Ellie and Bill were sharing Ellie's very first donut ever Saturday...I was thinking 1) how grateful I was to have a bit of a cold so I didn't have to share any of MY maple-glazed donut... 2) Are we going to be late for swim class?  3) all the books I wasn't reading.

Here are the books I'm reading (slowly) now:

Deepak Chopra’s ‘SuperGenes’ (Audiobook - I was curious).  

Janice Y. K, Lee’s ‘Expatriates’ (Kindle - for my book club).  

Deborah Harkness' ‘The Book of Life.’  (Real, live book.  For the sheer pleasure).  

Also, still finishing ‘Self-Reliance The Wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson - Inspiration for Daily Living’ - edited by Richard Whelan.  (Real, live book).  You’ve heard of intellectual curiosity.  This book satisfies my ‘deeper meaning of life’ curiosity.  Ralph reminds me there is more to life than making appointments on time and washing dishes and facing my fear of spiders.  

Side note - I trapped a baby tarantula-ish type spider in the garage yesterday under a Tupperware cookie dish and a flat piece of cardboard.  He THUNKED against the sides, trying to escape as I carried him as far away from the house as I could get without losing the light from the house.  I let him out ve-eeery slowly.  He paused, weighed his options, then RAN back TOWARD THE GARAGE!

Nooooo!  

I ran too.  I ran so fast I almost clipped my hip bone on the side of the truck as I careened around it and lunged for the garage door button, terrified.  I didn’t look back.  I can only assume I made it back in time.  The sound of the garage door closing masked his approach, if he made any.

Anyhoo.  I’m also reading ‘Laws of Life’ edited by Hargopal Kaur Khalsa.  (Real, life book - research about Yogi Bajan.  If I’m going to teach I need to learn more about Kundalini’s founder.)

So.  I’m sitting here thinking…I feel totally all over the place.  I can’t focus, and what have I done all week?  Maybe, just maybe, I should STOP READING 5 BOOKS AT A TIME. 

I can’t start a book and focus on it until I’m finished.  A shiny NEW book always dangles by, even when I avoid Barnes and Noble!  So.  I’m reader.  I’m a reader with ADHD.  They say admitting you have a problem is the first step.

I’m committed to reading Supergenes.  But that’s an audio book and doesn’t really count.  I’m going to finish the Expatriates but it isn’t to my taste so far (I suspect there is a loss of a child coming up and….so…) to get THAT taste out of my mouth I have to read one that makes me feel happy and cozy and wonderful again.   

Ahhh, thank you Deborah Harkness.  And I started Self-Reliance awhile ago.  It’s just so dense with stuff that totally blows my mind I can only read a little at a time.  Let my mind rewire itself, then go back to it.  While that’s happening I’m working on being a good future Yoga teacher - by being a constant student now.

So.  Five books at a time.  No wonder I feel like I’m all over the place.  I’m trying to live my life with everything I’ve got.  In doing so I’m scattered in ten different directions.  All my heart and mind to Ellie, all my intelligence and creativity to my writing.  All my spirit and soul in my Yoga.  And to Bill?  A bit of everything.  

Why does life take so much darn energy!?  Why did that crazy spider try to run BACK into the garage?  Why is Trump still leading in the poles?  

Some questions have no rational answers.

I went to an Alignment workshop with Cat McCarthy at the Yoga Studio today - it was quite helpful.  Stacking the bones in the right position before moving the muscles.  Doing downward facing dog in a way that doesn’t make my wrists feel like they’re going to snap in two.  

I feel like my LIFE needs re-alignment.  I need to figure out a way to live that doesn’t make me feel like a scatter-brained, totally unfocused schmuck.  

Maybe I can try doing one thing at a time?  Then moving on to the next ‘thing’?  Cleaning out my sock drawer is a good start. (And not while listening to a book on my phone with one ear and reading Ellie a book and cooking supper.)  

Read Ellie a book.  Stay there, in that moment.  Then organize my socks.   Stop multitasking.  Be in the moment I’m in.  Be with the people I’m with.  

As I write this I realize Bill and I are sitting on the couch together, our knees touching but our minds in totally different places.  I’ve got my headphones on listening to silly nature music sounds and writing this, he’s watching Batman Begins.

So.  I’m signing off so I can be in this moment with him.  

Who are you sharing this moment with?