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Friday, February 19, 2016

Mostly Managing Mindfulness or, Diaper Meditation Fail

If you have your attention on what is, you will see the fullness in every moment.  You will discover the dance of the divine in every leaf, in every petal, in every blade of grass, in every rainbow, in every rushing stream, and in every breath of every living being.”  Deepak Chopra

I practiced a little ‘mindfulness’ today while taking Ellie to the park.  We walked on the rocks beside the water, we sat on the bench and ate watermelon and watched the birds flit around looking for crumbs.  It was one of those perfect moments you aren’t expecting to have.  

All things conspired together to completely charm the moment, Ellie feeling silly, the warm sun, cool breeze, the green grass so vibrant, the birds so tiny and animated.  I looked around and thought, here I am inside this brilliant moment and here it is and it’s amazing.  

All worries, all plans and all my many to do lists slid away as I narrowed down on my five senses and all they could absorb.  And of course on Ellie, beautiful, silly, chattering in her own way and pointing at the birds.  

Of course, not EVERY moment in life is this wonderful.  I’d like to know how to find the fullness in every moment when I’m wiping poop while keeping a handle on the diaper because she has a tendency to snag it and whip it away, flinging poo everywhere.  Where’s the fullness in THAT moment Deepak!?  Where!?

Anyhoo.  I took Ellie to the mall this week.  I skipped Barnes and Nobel because I need some new clothes.  Feeling kind of ratty.  Even my yoga pants are fading and failing me.  I have a big orange spray paint splotch on my every day go-to shoes.  

So I went straight to Anthropology.  A friend lent me a sweater I LOVED the night before and I almost accidentally on purpose took it home with me.  She said it was from Anthropology.  

So off I went to look for new clothes.  Did you know they have a book section?  And a section for candles and flower pots?  Well, they do.  And there I was.  Smelling candles and trying to figure out where I could put this new flower pot and wishing I had $30 to spend on a new cook book.

Wherever I go, there I am.

So I went home in my faded yoga pants and my orange splotchy shoes hauling a new book on the medicinal uses of herbs and a small hard cover book called ‘Make the best of you.’  (170 ways to be the best you can.  Patrick Lindsay).  They were on sale…

That makes me happy too.  Schlumpy.  Ratty.  But happy.  So if you can’t see the fullness in this moment, stop.  Deep breath.  Unless you’re changing a diaper, then you should wait to stop and breathe deep.  It’s up to you but…that’s just good advice.  

And do me a favor, next time you see a schlumpy looking mom dreamily gazing at her lovely, silly baby in her faded yoga pants with weird paint splotches on her shoes - suspend judgement for just a second.  Just for one second ignore 'weird-flaky-mom' thoughts and give her a smile.  And look closer.  Because that crazy lady is probably me.