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Sunday, June 19, 2016

Surrendering to the Moment, Environmental Tree-Hugging Frogs

"All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye."   Margaret Atwood.
First, Happy Father’s Day to my dear old dad, and to Ellie’s dear old dad, Bill.  What would we do without dad’s?  I wouldn’t be a gardener, or the woman I am today.  Ellie is blessed to have a dad that dotes on her so much.  Bill may not do things the way I would do them but…that’s probably a good thing for her.

Ellie has grown another inch and a half in the last 3 months.  The woman from Oslo I met at the airport told me I was feeding her too well.  I think she was kidding.  She was quite tall herself.  Maybe she wished her mom had not fed HER so well.  But then everyone seems tall when you’re knee high to a grasshopper like I am so what do I know?

She was full of great advice like, ‘You should have potty trained her at 9 months.  That’s what I did for both my kids.’  I couldn’t help but thinking, lady, you’re nice and all but let’s stick to talking about your grandkids.  Why do we women do this to each other?  I should qualify that with ‘why do we MOMS do this to each other?’  

I’ve never once had a woman I didn’t know come up to me and give me advice about what color eyeshadow to use, or the style of jeans I wore.  Ever.  Actually, that kind of advice might have been appreciated!  Maybe not from a stranger.  But still, my fashion sense runs along the lines of an 8 year old boy.  Comic book hero T-shirts and jeans.  I could use some unsolicited fashion advice.

Well, when I’m not pregnant.  Now it’s more like…hey, what fits today!?

But I don’t get fashion advice from strangers, I get parenting advice from strange women instead.  I can’t imagine walking up to another mom and telling her she shouldn’t be using diapers anymore on her kids.  Or that she shouldn’t be buying formula.  Do they think it’s helpful?  Does it make them feel better to have someone to pass the ‘wisdom’ along to?  Or are they just…rude?

Dear reader I leave the judgement to you.  I’m all judged out.  

I’m too busy being wrapped up in the wonder of watching Ellie discover the world.  She looks at a piece of fuzz rising from the lamp she just hit with the same fascination she does a bird in flight.  It’s all amazing to her.  (Soon my bad housekeeping won’t be amazing it will be old hat but for now…dust floating in the sun is wondrous).

Sometimes she looks at me while I’m carrying her somewhere and says, ‘Mommy.’  In a matter of fact tone.  Then she smiles.  Probably because the first time she did that I teared up and cuddled and nuzzled her nose and told her I WAS her mommy and that I loved her.  Sometimes she reaches out with her little hand and touches my cheek when she says it.  

I just have to keep walking or the sweetness of the moment might just overwhelm me and I’ll end up sobbing on the floor and cuddling her and being totally lost in the awe of being another person’s whole world.  

Maybe I should just sit down and surrender to the moment.  It is, after all, one moment.  And soon enough of them will pile up and she will have her own life and friends and school and I will need to brush off my hobby list and see what I should do with my lonely mom-self.

Yeh number 2 is doing alright - we’re still on the ‘we don’t want to know the gender’ bandwagon.  I’m teetering on the edge.

I had some extra bloodwork and an ultrasound done last week because of my age (ahem) but so far everything looks normal.  He/she is a bit bigger than the average 17 week old apparently but that’s good.  I’m hoping for a nice round bouncy eight pound full-term baby in November.

I spent 3 hours in the garden yesterday trying to tame the weed jungle, I’m closing my eyes at night and seeing weeds but that’s ok I’m almost done.  I saw two of the tiniest frogs ever, the size of the fingernail of my pinky finger.  I left some tall weeds for them.  I saw a bigger frog about the size of a chestnut jump to the left of me where I had just pulled a bunch of weeds.  I said hello.  Then he jumped in the bunch of weeds I hadn’t pulled yet right in front of me like those people who chain themselves to trees.  

YOU’RE NOT TAKING THESE ONES!  He seemed to say.  I didn’t check for tiny chains but I did leave him some weeds to hide in anyway.  Bravery should be rewarded in any species.

That’s all the new news - my unsolicited mom advice would be to hug a kid today.  Or a dad.  Or both.