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Thursday, October 06, 2016

Top 10 Signs you’re Really, Really Pregnant:

Top 10 signs you’re really, really pregnant:

10) You’re constantly making lists of what you’ll need in your hospital overnight bag.  You know, which chocolate bars, what kind of chips.

9) If someone mentions ONE MORE TIME how you must be ready to go ANY DAY and you have 6 weeks left…you’re going to tweak their nose and stamp on their feet.  If you can find their feet.

8) You have to turn sideways to get your tea mug in the morning.

7) You’re getting hands and arms of steel just washing the dishes.  That will happen when your belly is pushing you so far away from the counter you’re washing with the tips of your fingers. 

6) Depending on the dominant color you’re wearing you either look like an orange, a watermelon, or a pumpkin.

5) Your innie is now an outie.

4) You can see your toenails, but you can’t reach them anymore.  Pedicure anyone?

3) You need tubs of whale blubber harvested from a special region in Alaska just to get your wedding band off each night.  You haven’t worn your engagement ring since month three.  Come to think of it, you haven’t seen it since then either…

2) You regard something you’ve dropped on the floor with the same regret you’d watch it falling off the edge of the Grand Canyon.  That stuff is gone for good.

1) You don’t even notice the sounds you make as you try to get in and out of bed anymore but hubbie will rush in now and again asking what all the groaning was about.  You tell him you don’t know but it IS all his fault.

And a special treat today - a poem worthy of T.S. Eliot himself:

                                                The 3am Pregnant Poem:

                                                     Crack of the Tums
                                                  The urge to pee (again)
                                              Dragging my elephant body up

Beautiful isn’t it?  And quite magical.  I think it captures the essence of the wonder and mystery of ushering in a new living soul to this strange world.  

Maybe I should keep trying…

“To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life.”  T.S.Eliot.