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Saturday, December 03, 2016

Burning Couches, Oversharing and Goals for the Month

I’d like to burn this couch when the nursing calms down.  Then all of my maternity clothes once my stomach shrinks to a Jabba-the-hut-junior size instead of the full ’Return of the Jedi’ size it is right now.

I keep pressing down on my stomach and frowning hoping everything will compress back to size but I still look like I’m 5 months pregnant.  And FYI pushing on your belly does NOT make it smaller.  It was worth a try,

I guess I’m being impatient, it’s only been three weeks.  I don’t do ‘house-bound’ well and ‘couch-bound’ even less so.  Ben is still feeding every hour to two hours round the clock and poor Ellie had to tuck ME in last night because I went to bed at 6:30pm.  If you had asked me what was more exciting, suddenly winning a million dollars OR getting into bed and resting, I would have chosen ‘bed’ a thousand times over.  Really, really.

Keep your money - I just need to sleep.

Am I over sharing when I say I forgot how torturous nursing is for the first month or so?  Can I talk about how my T-shirt feels like sandpaper on my nipples?  And how I’m leaking everywhere and the stupid boob pads have two tiny pieces of tape that do NOT hold it in place and after I nurse and put the flaps back on the bra it always twists and that TINY piece of tape gets stuck on my boob and THAT HURTS SO BAD!  Or that I’m still wearing sanitary pads three weeks later IS THERE NO END TO MY UTERUS LINING!?

Maybe not - that could be crossing the line between funny and Ewwwww.  It’s a fine line.

So.  My objectives for this month are:

Staying sane
Get baby as fat as possible
Sleep when I can
Eat when I can - bonus if anything is still hot when I do
Find cashmere nursing bras and soft fur-lined nursing tank tops
Clone myself
Clone myself again

Survive.  Survive.  Survive.

Part of survival is catching sleep when I can (I haven't washed a dish since before Ben was born) accepting help when it's offered (Thank you to everyone who brought/is still bringing me food!), focusing on the present moment and being grateful.

I am trying to find the ease and joy in each moment no matter how exhausted and short tempered I am.  And then focusing on forgiving myself when I can't find it, when the only thing I CAN find is the overwhelming urge to eat tubs of ice cream and rip someone's face off, not necessarily in that order.

It helps to remind myself to be grateful for all my blessings, of which there are way too many to name here but mainly all the help I've been given (thank you mom!) our good health, our warm home, and, of course, ice cream.

“(Motherhood is) the biggest gamble in the world.  It is the glorious life force.  It’s huge and scary - it’s an act of infinite optimism.”  Gilda Radner.