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Saturday, April 28, 2018

Living in Siberia, Taking Communal Showers and Other Things I'd Do to Stay Close to My Kids



So, I've had a few people ask me about Ojichaan.  Where is he?  Where did he go?  What happened?

And I haven’t been totally forthcoming because, it’s kind of sad and…it’s hard to explain because I’m having a hard time understanding myself.

Bottom line and short story is…we sacrificed our third bedroom (Benji’s room) to create an in-law suite for his dad to come live in when we built this house and…basically he has said ‘Thanks, but no thanks!’.

But without the thanks.

He went back with Bills’ sister Laurie to his home in NJ and I suspect he will never be back.  I suspect this because he has said…’I will never come back.’  

It’s like I’m psychic.

Why has he rejected our care and our home?

From what I can gather, it’s because we didn’t buy a house in Houston where he had access to Asian grocery stores within walking distance.  And we don’t have a fence in the front yard.  And the back yard is ‘wild’ and the side yard is ‘unmanaged’.

Basically everything that’s been driving me nuts about our house but haven’t been able to convince Bill to shell out the money for!  (Hmmm…it’s like we PLANNED THIS TOGETHER!)  

But we didn’t.  Trust me.  Ojichaan wouldn’t plan his own escape from Hades with me if he knew I was his only chance out.  It’s weird liking someone you know will never like you back.  But he’s all feisty and stubborn and I have to admire his steely resolve.  Even it’s directed against us.

Now that I think about it, it’s kind of nice he’s raising such a fuss about the yard.  Except he’s raising the fuss because he wants us to get the most out of our house, when we sell it to go live in Houston with him.

Which is not, ever, going to happen.  Our yard may need a lot of work but it’s in a good school district and we have no intention of moving until retirement or after.  This is pretty much it.

Why does that make me feel like throwing up in a corner somewhere?  I’ve never lived longer than 7 years (usually less) in any one place and I can’t even wrap my head around the idea of living anywhere for ten, twenty, thirty years?  My brain just goes….wha, wha, whaaat?  Stutter, stutter, stop.  OK, that’s a totally different issue.  One I should probably pay attention to sometime in the future.

In any case, throwing THAT under the rug for now, we have been thoroughly rejected by Ojichaan as not living up to his expectations, and he has gone home in, as they say, a ‘huff’.

Which makes me feel bad, of course, but also relieved, understandably.  And confused.  I mean, my kids are SO STINKING CUTE.  I'd live in a shed in Siberia if it meant I could see these kids every day.  Really.  I'd eat seal blubber every day and drink nothing but melted iceberg water and shower with 30 other women in a communal shower if it meant I could see these kids every day.

“Family is the most important thing in the world.”  Princess Diana

Family IS the most important thing in the world.  What do you do when your dad expects you to sell your dream home before he’ll let you take care of him?  

I guess you do what we do.  You love from a distance, and hope for reconciliation before it’s too late.  And, I'm sorry that sounds so sad.  

On the bright side, where there's cake there's hope, right?  And there's always cake.  (Thanks to Lorna D...Unicorn cake...)  A preview of Ellie's birthday cake next weekend!  Nothing chases the blues away like sugar and unicorns, am I right?  #highhopes #unicornmagic #sugarmakesmesaneagain