First, Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful momma’s out there. And to all those who are moms to kids they didn’t give birth to.
And a special Happy Mother’s Day to my mom - the most Christ-like Christian woman I have ever known, and the reason I find it necessary to turn the other cheek, and those sunglasses I forgot on my head and walked out of CVS with last week. Honesty, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, all traits I’ve watched her embody and tried to exhibit myself.
Now, to darker matters.
There are dark days ahead I said, in last week’s blog. I’m foreshadowing my own life.
Something has happened to me this week, something worse than my phone dying and me losing 2 years worth of contacts and pictures. Something that has made me a more compassionate, non-judgmental person. Something that’s made me sad, and confused. Something that’s making me put my ‘best to be kind’ money where my mouth is.
I’m ignoring my chattering monkey mind that’s speeding off into seventy possible futures, none of them rosy. It’s made me re-evaluate what really matters to me. My relationships to those I love. My own ability to protect and care for my children.
First, my health is fine. Everyone whom I adore and am bonded to are fine. Jichaan is fine.
Benjji spiked a fever of a 104 last Sunday after Ellie’s birthday party and when I took him to the after hours clinic they diagnosed him with the dreaded hand and foot disease. Highly contagious. Very sick baby. I kept Ellie home from school all week and nursed a cranky, sick baby back to health while striving to keep them apart. He’s still covered in tiny red dots a week later but they’re slowly going away. Ellie did not get it! I did not go insane.
Swoops of joy!
Sunday night when Bill handed me the thermometer and it said 104 my heart just dropped. I texted mom on the way to the clinic and asked her to pray. I didn’t even tell her what for until we got there and we were waiting to see the doctor. He was lethargic and quiet all the way and I’ve never wanted him to start fussing about being in the car seat so bad.
Anyway, he’s fine now, Ellie’s fine, even little Toby is feeling frisky.
We also got attacked by my neighbors Rottweiler. Just me and my two babies, watching helplessly as his dog, who he never keeps on a leash launches into a charge. I hold Benji tightly and keep Ellie behind me as he bounds toward us, barking madly and frothing at the mouth. I know enough not to run although I’m acting purely on instinct as I freeze and stare him down. I think I’m yelling at him ‘no’. He stops about 2 feet away, growling threateningly, and then reluctantly lopes back onto his own property after being called about a dozen times.
One of these days it’s going to be just me and him, and we’re going to see who’s boss at the end of that little tete-a-tete. Grrrrrr. I’m a dog lover people. But you threaten my babies and we’re gonna have words.
I start my Karma shift at a yoga studio near me tomorrow. Basically I clean the studio for a few hours every week and I get free yoga. Win. Win. There’s nothing I like better than getting out of my head and focusing on physical tasks. I’m pretty excited to start - it’s been a long, hard week. I feel a little like Rocky in that one where the Russian guy just totally smashes him down. Rocky V? Anyway. This week chewed me up and spit me out.
But I’m still here. How’s that song go? I’m stilll standing…ya ya yaaa.
I’ll repeat a quote I had a couple weeks ago from Princess Diana. “Family is everything.”
And don’t worry about me folks, there’s still Unicorn birthday cake after all. And where there’s cake…there’s hope. And there’s always cake.