“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Harry Potter and the Prisoner Of Azkaban, by JK Rowling. (1999)
Nothing like receiving solace from a children’s book yeah? Receiving solace is a lot like receiving chocolate cake. It doesn’t really matter where it comes from, just that it tastes great. And looks good on my hips. Have you forgotten to ‘turn on the light’ lately? I have.
There, light is on. I feel much better, don’t you?
Rescheduling my GRE test after I got 3/20 on all three math sections on a practice test. I will be looking for a tutor. And more chocolate cake.
I haven’t worked a lick on my book. I am trying to adjust to just using one space after a sentence. Hard to undo almost 20 years of habit.
I’m reading lots of self-help books again. They’re helping in that way that you know you’ve got to make some changes but you lack the courage at the current moment to implement them? Not to mention the energy. Ugh. Self improvement is a lot of work. Can’t I just rest here for awhile and binge ‘Mozart In The Jungle?’
Have I mentioned how much I hate drama? Really. I would be perfectly happy living a monastic lifestyle - high in the mountains in some sacred temple, away from the rush and current of regular river-life. Sitting still in a calm corner, just sky and earth and the occasional chocolate cake. And my kids, of course. And a glass of good red wine now and again.
I need more flour to make my chocolate cake.
I need more gas in the car to go buy a chocolate cake someone ELSE has made from scratch.
Mom and dad bought a puppy! I’ll have to change my favorite quote to say. “Where there is cake (AND adorable puppies!) there is hope. And there’s always cake. And puppies.” I’m sure Dean Koontz won’t mind the amendment.
Am I trying too hard? Should I just apply at a big company and do data entry and be miserable but financially stable? Or get another 200hr yoga certification and teach now and again? And be happy but completely broke? Seems clear but the problem is being financially stable makes me happy. And I wouldn’t be totally miserable because it’s not my default. I’ll be happy because I’ll be around people, and learning new things. My base line for happiness is thankfully pretty low. I know. It is annoying.
And while I’d be happy teaching yoga I’d be annoyed at how broke I am. Or would I?
I am incapable of making a decision right now. I’m going to go get that chocolate cake, sit in front of my laptop and binge ‘Mozart’ and bliss out on chocolate and Bach. You’re welcome to join me. In spirit. Don’t actually come to my house, Benji is napping. OK? Anyway I’m not going to share my cake with you. So you might as well go get your own. Unless you’re getting your own AND bringing ice cream. Then you can come over. Quietly. And don’t stay long. Ok? Good talk. See you next week. Or in 15 minutes with ice-cream and your own cake, whatever.