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Sunday, November 18, 2018

Teaching Myself To Make Mistakes


It’s all coming together folks. I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.

Wait for it…wait for it….

A high school English teacher! Ba baaaaaa! I’m so excited. Drum roll please.

Fanfare and shrieks of excitement?
Balloons?
Confetti?
A pat on the head?

My interview is next Monday and if all goes well, I’ll be training to stand in front of a white board (do they still use blackboards?) and have paper airplanes thrown at my head. Yessssss.

It is true my first impulse was to become a school counselor. That may still be my path but it turns out you should teach a bit before you do that? And I agree. I had no idea I was going to be this excited to be a teacher. If all continues to go well I will be interning next fall at a school near YOU. Or, me, hopefully.

Also, Ellie wants everyone to know she wants to be a teacher-scientist-dog when she grows up. We do like our science. And our dogs, apparently.
I digress again.

I am nervous about, well, everything. Am I making a big mistake? Should I stay home with them a few more years? Should I apply for a part time position somewhere nearby doing administration or clerical work? Should I try to go back to work for ‘Big Oil?’

But each obstacle (child-care {guilt}, late nights, exams, extra stress on me and the kids {guilt}, paper airplanes…) will come and I will manage it. I’ll manage my mischief as well my little Harry Potter fans.

One of my favorite lines from one of my other favorite books (A Wrinkle in Time) is:
Meg: “Charles Wallace whatever she is, whatever that is, whatever all this is…I don’t like it!”
Charles Wallace: “You’ll manage.”

No matter what happens, I will manage. You will too, you know. Whatever you are facing, whether it’s going back to work like me or retiring from it. Twin babies or no babies, you’re going to manage too. I think if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not really living. Because who never makes mistakes? People that never try anything new. I don’t want to be that person. Frozen in perfection, immobile with the weight of what-ifs?

I’m thankful for all the twists and turns my life has taken, all of the surprises, some good, some not so good, and the way I’m being taught that no matter what happens, it’s all going to be okay.

That isn’t just my inner Pollyanna speaking, that’s my inner Wonder Woman too. Life is tough. Sometimes you need to lasso people with a golden rope to make them tell the truth. Sometimes you need to fend off paper airplane attacks with your bangles, or your determined sunny attitude.

“Don’t sell yourself short by being so afraid of failure that you don’t dare to make any mistakes. Make your mistakes and learn from them.” Maria Shriver.

Life, eh? It’s a mystery. All we can do is give it everything we’ve got.

“I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.” Vincent van Gogh.