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Sunday, February 03, 2019

A Renewed Vigor for Health. Or, Ange, the Almost Saint


Quickly - I just want to say...nothing against the Rams but it should be the Saints tonight - having said that, may the best team win!

Alright, I did miss last weeks blog. For the first time in almost four years of blogging weekly! Wow I'm nerdier than I thought.

Anyhoo - last weekend all heck broke loose inside Angela’s Body. 

Flu, sinus and chest infections and all manner of pestilence and plague descended upon me.

I finally dragged my hippy-I-hate-doctors-offices-butt to the doctor last Friday. Getting me and the kids dressed to go into public took herculean effort.

She gave me about seven prescriptions, one of which was an antibiotic that caused me to throw up anything I’ve ever eaten over the last three years and to be unable to eat at all for the next three days. Now I’m finishing a different antibiotic that may or may not cause me to lose my mind and have hallucinations.

Fun right? Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, Benji and I are potty training. We’re learning together how best to train him, not me, I’ve been potty trained for awhile now, mostly.

So, right after I took the first antibiotic I threw up in spectacular fashion. I won't go into details (so, so much throw-up) then Benji pooped. A big, messy, smelly, mess of a poo and he did not want me to change him. I may have cried. Okay, I cried. I did. Throw-up on the bathroom floor to clean up, smelly poo on a running-away bum to clean up, and all I wanted to do was get horizontal for just three seconds.

So, there is no circle of hell in Dante’s nine circles of hell that include being a sick, stay at home mom of a head-strong potty training baby. But it should. It absolutely should. The tenth level.

I can honestly tell you, while I was scraping poop from underwear (I know, I know, I switched to pull-ups) while trying not to throw up again, snot running down my nose, sore throat, body aching, fever of 101, coughing like a seasoned coal-miner thick with black-lung - I was thinking this all has to be punishment for something. 

And if not, well, then I’ve been cleansed into sainthood. I’m either a terrible person deserving the worst punishment I can think of or I’m a cleansed and cleared Saint. Saint Ange! Whoot!

When Bill finally got home Friday night I collapsed into bed and scrolled through my list of sins from the last week. I didn’t open the door for the mom I saw coming across the parking lot Wednesday. I gave the kids too many snacks before supper, and I shouldn’t have let them have ice cream every night for dessert for the last three nights. What else? Toby should have had a bath two weeks ago. I let them watch Toy Story 3 three times one day last week when I was starting to get sick.

All my sins logged and noted and evaluated. Confirmed. I did nothing to deserve the epic suffering caused by cleaning poop after throwing up while in the middle of the flu and various infections.

Was it a sin to think being a stay at home mom isn’t a real ‘job’, and that anyone can do it? Maybe. Because no sir. No they can’t.

One long-standing, completely false belief obliterated? Check. The cloak of unworthiness ‘no, I don’t work, I’m JUST a stay at home mom’ burned off in the haze of gritting through the days alone with two toddlers while so sick just getting out of bed took so much out of me I had to lay back down on the couch to recover. Who does that? Amazing Amazon stay at home moms, that’s who.

Then both kids got sick.

I’m not throwing up anymore so it’s all ‘might as well wipe two more noses while I wipe mine’ kind of deal. It’s all good. So we all sound like seasoned coal miners with black lung, plus the ‘potty timer’ goes off every 45 minutes to check if Benji needs to potty.

Basically the sound track of my day goes like this:

COUGH COUGH COUGH
SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF
HACK COUGH HACK.
I WANT MOMMY!
Ping Ping Ping Ping Ping
Time to go to potty benji
Noooooooooooo
COUGH COUGH COUGH
WHERE’S MY SNACK?
Ping Ping Ping Ping Ping

But you know what? I can eat. And keep the food where it’s supposed to be. And I’ve got a renewed and fierce desire to be healthy. Look out 2019 – I’m eating all my vegetables, drinking lots of water and I’m ready to rumble. And, I’m kind of a saint now, so, there’s that.

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