Saturday, January 11, 2020
A storm rolled through my town last night, around midnight. The tall Texas pine trees surrounding my house thrashed their tops, the lightening pulsed and the thunder barreled around like an oil drum caught in an empty swimming pool.
The rain running down the outside of the window made the back yard look warped, like I was looking at the world through a bent funhouse mirror.
The thought occurred to me, this is amazing. And then my next thought was, oh, but I should be sleeping. I checked on the kids – as usual they slept through the whole thing completely unaware of the chaos around them. Isn’t there something beautiful about checking on your kids while they sleep? They’re like angels, their soft round cheeks and delicate black eyelashes, their tiny chests rising and falling in rhythm. I can’t look at them sleeping and not feel my heart lift about ten feet out of my body.
I’m just so grateful for them. It’s easier to be grateful, isn’t it? When they’re not whining, screaming, crying, and demanding you to ‘Pass me my water? Fast forward the commercial? Where are my apple slices I asked FIVE SECONDS AGO MOM!’ while you’re cooking a healthy three course dinner and doing the lesson plan for your next gardening/yoga class?
The combination of an impressive storm last night, the solitude to enjoy it, no distractions or demands, filled my soul in a surprising way. It was a loud and crazy storm, after all.
Every once in awhile when I encounter something beautiful or captivating or serene I think, I’ll never forget this, ever. This is a miracle; this is what I came to earth to experience. This was on my pre-physical-human-being mind when I was out there in the womb of the universe, before I was even a spec in my own mother’s womb.
I’ve got two part time jobs I love, about 5-6 hours a week for both and I’m gunning for a third.
These jobs, unimpressive though they may seem to some, allow me to participate in the world and in the local economy and still have lots of time to enjoy my kids while they’re young, and to write when the muse bonks me over the head. It works for me.
I always assumed this was a temporary situation but, what if I can live my whole life this way? Only working those rare jobs that I am uniquely qualified for? Not worrying about how much money I’m making, just paying attention to how I feel while I’m working them.
What if I can feel exhilarated, connected, learning, growing, and loving what I’m doing...forever!? What if that means it's never just that one dream job or career but a combination of them that each pulls from me different ways of experiencing my own personal growth?
To sum up, because you’ve only got a few minutes to yourself, whoever you are, what if I trusted myself, and trusted financial security always follows those who are engaged and enjoying it?
What if you don’t ‘find’ a happy life, you make it? Deliberately, joyfully, expecting miracles? If money comes, great, if not, it would be hard to argue a happy, fulfilled person out of a life they’ve created around their core values and desires, wouldn’t it?
I want to be that person! Doesn't that sound amazing? Wish me luck, eh?
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw.
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